Saturday, May 18, 2013

Failing, failing, failing away

Yes, I've been slacking in my blogging. 

Biggest reason? 
I just haven't had the energy. 

2nd biggest reason? 
I am failing miserably with the Orange Rhino Challenge. 

I thought for sure it would be easier working and not being home all day to keep from yelling. But I have found that I come home and the minute I walk in the door I just feel stressed. The house is a mess, the boys are acting crazy, I have to make dinner, and I just went from a day of working to more working. Add carting the boys to tball and cub scouts alone and trying to deal with bedtime and it has just been a big recipe for disaster. I'd love to say that as I post this I am back at at least a day of no yelling, but I'm not. Logan called me lazy and I could have calmly talked to him about it, but I didn't, I regret it now. But what's done is done and I have to move on. Tomorrow is a new day. Hoping for the best. 

Until then.... 

I am also fighting illness. I haven't been to the doctor yet to confirm but I am pretty sure it's issues with my gallbladder. So until I can get in I have put myself on a no/low fat diet and it seems to be helping a lot. I went through this same thing when I was pregnant with Wyatt (about 4.5 years ago) and haven't had any issues since then. I am going to try to make it through this last week working my long term substituting job and see how I do from there. 

There are also other stress factors building up. I am having issues with Logan's school. I think he has some type of learning disability but his teacher wants to pull him out of the dual language program with out exploring the possibilities and I don't think it's right, or fair. So for now we are learning towards possible ADD and until we can progress with some testing in that area we are going to look into a dietary change. We've both (my husband and I) have started to read up on some things to eliminate from his diet and we will likely just be changing the entire way we think about and purchase food. What a HUGE undertaking. Time to dive into some more research and see what we need to be stocking in our pantry and fridge from now on. Even if he doesn't have ADD it wouldn't be harmful to eat more healthy and organic foods so we are definitely going that route. 

Wednesday, May 1, 2013

And Again

Uhm, so I think I did good yesterday. I got home late and my husband did bedtime so there was really no reason for me to even think about yelling. Today, on the other hand, I didn't even stand a chance. I got home late again (about 4:30) and dinner was on the table but the house was a mess. I went upstairs to get CJ's uniform for his game (which didn't get washed because my husband told me he would deal with laundry so I didn't do it yesterday when I usually do) and walked up to the awful smell of cat poop. When went to get some toilet paper to clean it up with I walked into a bathroom filled with toys, wet towels, and dirty clothes. I was fuming but took a breath and told Logan to come get his dirty clothes and figured I'd just deal with the other stuff later. Then I told Logan again to get his clothes... Then again... And then AGAIN. That last time is when it slipped. I yelled. Then he tried to get away with just picking up a handful of things... Yeah... I yelled again.

I'm pretty sure I have yelled again since that but the rest of the night has been a bit of a blur. We rushed to tball, which was an emotional roller coaster, and then came home to bedtime. Walking into the house in the state it is in just stresses me out. And here I am typing this and I stop to yell... You would think as I was typing this I could contain myself, but seriously, this kid is just ridiculous. And by this kid, I mean Wyatt. He decides to randomly get out of bed and run around the room and hit the wall so Jameson mimics. I put him on the wall for a time out and all I hear is "I hurt! I'm tired! I want to be in my bed!" Well, good for you. Maybe next time you should stay in your bed LIKE I TOLD YOU.

Stressed. Stressed. Stressed.

I just want to spend time with my babies, love on them, tuck them into bed, and then get a little while to relax alone before I go to bed. But I don't get to do that. I spend half the time arguing with them, trying to get them to do as they are told, and then I just have to practically wrestle them to stay in bed. When they FINALLY get to sleep it's already time for me to shower and go to bed.

I'm over it. Starting again tomorrow. Fingers crossed I can make it. I was on such a high those first 2 weeks. I want to get back to it.

Tomorrow. I will.