Big Fat Fail

Well, regardless of where I was or how I did I just jumped my grumpy hiney all the way back to 0 today.

Man, I hate to admit it, but I just lost it... Twice.

Earlier today we were running late and it just seemed like we were never going to get out the door. Logan hadn't gotten ANY homework done in the 2 hours he had been home. He "couldn't find" his Cub Scout uniform, which was hanging up neatly in the closet where it should be. And he lost his neckerchief slide because he just drops his clothes wherever the #{|| he feels like it when he takes them off. I held it in until I was trying to get them all out the door and all four of them just decided they didn't speak English.

Fast forward to bedtime. Yes, we all know how irritable I get at bed time. Add to that the fact that it is a Monday so we don't get home until past bedtime as it is and it's already the set of for holy terror time. Then add to that Logan having to stay up late now so he can get some homework done and Wyatt being his usual non-stop pain in my butt that rubs off on the baby.

Thank God for CJ. Out cold with out a fight, just hugs and kisses after quick tucks. To think, he used to be such a pain to get to sleep. I hope every day that when Wyatt turns 4 he will hit the turning point like CJ did when he turned 4. I swear, terrible twos my butt. Tremendously tumultuous threes is much more accurate.

After 9pm and still only one asleep. One in time out on the wall. Another doing homework. The last rolling around "sleeping" on the floor. And me, just sitting in the middle of it trying not to lose it.

What day is it!?

Holy cow! I don't even know what day I am on... Or if I have even made it with out yelling. I suppose if I had it would be memorable right? This past week has just been such a blur! It started on Sunday when I worked my regular Sunday job at a church nursery for 4 or so hours. Then on Monday I started my long term sub job. Thankfully this was a short week, no school on Friday, so it was a helpful transition to working so much. 6 day work weeks start tomorrow.

I wish I could say that I had a nice relaxing long weekend where I slept in and did nothing all day Friday and Saturday but instead we had a yard sale. That meant getting up and pulling out loads of stuff and stressing over people wanting everything for a dime. On the plus side; we had our most profitable yard sale ever!

Mind you, this busy week is just the basics. This run down doesn't include extra curriculars and all the other stuff that I was doing after work every day... Pretty much every day this week I didn't sit down to relax until about 9:30pm and I was then in bed asleep by 10pm. LAME. It also makes this bedtime junk even more stressful. I am so tired and want to sleep. Sitting here while the boys don't sleep makes me really irritable and that makes it hard not to yell.... Then that makes me bottle it up... And that makes it even harder not to just blow up. Usually when I get to that point I find myself kind of growling at them. I guess it's better than screaming at them. So here is to day... Whatever it is... The boys aren't asleep but I'm about to be. Good night.

Does it count?

Does today even count as a day of not yelling? I hardly even saw my kids! I didn't even get home from work until almost 4:30 so I saw them about 3 1/2 hours.

We did,however, spend about half of that time with them acting insane in the grocery store. And I did have to yell TO them several times as they bolted down the isles not paying any attention to anything. Boy, did they stress my husband out. At one point, at the end, I sent him alone to go get in a check out line and I held onto the boys. Er.... I tried to at least. They were being weirdos and I just did my best to keep them close to me and away from other people. But by that time it was already their bed time so it was completely understandable that they were acting like little nut-cases.

I was so busy getting groceries put away and making lunches for tomorrow I didn't even get to tell them all good night. :( I was pretty bummed when I realized they were all asleep. It was nice having my husband home to help get them to bed though. I love his days off.

Now here I sit, dozing off on the couch I have been on for less than 30 minutes. 10pm. Bed time.

Wow. When did I become such a loser?

Well, at least I'm a loser who hasn't yelled at her kids in 2 weeks! Yes people, that is 14 days! Cheers to me!

Uhm, well, no cheering, there are sleeping kids. I will just tiptoe to bed and get some sleep!

If mommy doesn't yell, can you?

What a wonderful way to get some affirmation! Wyatt was screaming... And screaming... And just being a noisy butt (and mean too). So when we got to CJ's tball practice I didn't unbuckle Wyatt right away and we had a little chat.

Has mommy been yelling or screaming?

No.

Then should you be able to yell or scream?

No.

PERFECT! This is a big part of what I was going for. And the best is that my 3 year old told me that I hadn't been yelling. That means even when I am talking sternly to him he isn't viewing it as yelling.

I spent the day working today. When I got home it was already about 3:30 so I didn't have much time with them. It was nice to just play with them, make dinner, and then chill out at practice. Seriously, if I could just get this bed time thing under control I would be SO happy!

Trying a different tactic today. I can't get the babies to stay in bed so they are sitting on the wall. Maybe I can get them to sit still and quiet long enough to get sleepy. I don't know. I am at such a loss. Give me other people's kids and I can work great with them. Give me my own and I can't figure them out for the life of me! At least I had a good time working today. I really love teaching, and I tell ya, pre-k is just so much fun!

ORC day #12

Seriously, one of these days bedtime is going to get easier, right?

We've barely even started and I want to pull my hair out.

I try to read a story and I have one yelling and covering his ears. Another one not staying in his bed. And the others whining they can't hear the story.

Monster spray. Hugs and kisses. Tucks. And goodnights.

Then.... Still talking, screaming, and not staying in bed.

It's just SO STRESSFUL. I seriously HATE bedtime. If I could just say goodnight and go down stairs and do what I need to do it would be so nice. But it's even worse if I try to walk away. Then it's more screaming and following me. My husband has it a little easier, they at least will stay in bed and be quiet for him until they fall asleep. He still has to sit outside their door until then though. This time of day just makes my blood boil. I could have a fantastic day and come 7:30 I am ready to jump out of the second story window.

I will not yell. I will not scream. I will not yell. I will not scream. I. Will. Not. Yell.

I. WILL. NOT. SCREAM.

Here's to day #12!

Now I start being a full time working parent. These next few weeks should be interesting. I hope we can get bedtime figured out so that I still have a little quiet alone time before I have to get to bed since I will be getting up and out early to work.

Pressing my luck

So it's bedtime... Well, actually, it's past bedtime, and we just sat down for a movie! I have my fingers crossed that I am not kicking myself later. Maybe I will get lucky and they will just fall asleep during the movie!

This morning was no picnic either. I was trying to sleep in since this is the last day I will be able to do so for a while. Starting tomorrow I am working 6 days a week for as least the next 5 weeks. (Although technically this week I will have an extra day since there is no school Friday so I won't be working, but I think working every other day during the week for the first time is going to wear me out) Where was I? Oh, yes. I was trying to sleep in but the boys had other plans for me and were in and out of my room all morning. Then CJ had a tball game which started INCREDIBLY rough. I had to get VERY stern with him, on the brink of a yell, but that is the ONLY way to get him out of a funk when he starts acting the way he does about his games.

So he sat in the dugout until the second inning (they only play 4 innings) when I gave him my final ultimatum. You get out and bat like you mean it, or you sit in the dugout the rest of the game, AND can take a nap when we get home. And wouldn't you know it? He went out and hit like he meant it and ran like a champ! A small snag again when they swapped to go to the outfield again though. However, that was partly due to the fact that coach had mentioned CJ playing 1st base and didn't put him there either time. He doesn't do well with that kind of stuff. Fortunately coach let him cover 1st and all was well with the world again.

After I took the boys out for lunch (and ended up spending more than I planned). They were awesome for me in the restaurant, very rare for all 4 of them when I am alone with them. One thing I have been sure to do lately is ALWAYS tell them how much I appreciate it when they are well behaved for me.

Positive reinforcement is very important, I know that. I can admit that I am not diligent about it all of the time. It is something that I am working on. Whenever they are doing something I like I make sure they know I appreciate it.

So, the bottom line of the day is that I have made it to day #11 with out yelling! Who would have thought when I began this challenge I would be able to do it at all, let alone 11 days!

So Blessed

Right now, this past week, has been a very tragic time for America, and Boston, MA in particular. Being so far away it's hard to really grasp all the horror and I feel so blessed that my boys are safe tonight in our home. Both of the Boston Marathon bombing suspects are either dead or in police custody so that is two less insane and dangerous people off the streets.

It's times like these that make it easier not to yell at my boys. I look at them with different colored lenses. Yes, they can make me nuts but they are mine, and they are here, and they love me with all that they are.

So after a fun filled day at the park with good friends and tasty snacks we snuggle up on couch with some popcorn and a movie and just... Be.

There is nothing more important that the time that we have with our loved ones. You never truly know how much time you will have together. Tomorrow may not come so we must live for the moment. We mustn't dwell on the negative in the day, but instead look to the positive. Look into the eyes of our little ones and see that undying love and affection. And most importantly, we must reciprocate.

Our babies aren't babies for long, time goes so fast and in a blink they are grown. Don't spend these days wondering if your kids know how much you love them. Make sure that you do everything you can each and every day to SHOW them, to TELL them, to ENVELOP them in your love. Cuddle them. Kiss them. Tell them those short, but oh so meaningful words, "I love you". Every day. They need it. You need it. And it is the most important thing you can ever do for them.

So here I sit. Up past bedtime with my four amazing little boys. I know they will fight me going to sleep tonight, but who cares? I love them and they love me. And in the end, that's all that really matters.