Staying positive

Yes, I'm slacking. No excuses this time, I just have been lazy. 

Sad to report that I'm still not back on the rhino wagon. Although, I know that I have still be yelling less than I was before. So that's a plus! I still need to get back on the NO yelling wagon though. Tomorrow will be the day. I'm sure of it. I can do it. 

I will do it!

On another positive note... The healthy eating is going well. It's been tough and we aren't completely artificial crap free, but getting there. For Logan especially. Really hoping that by the end of summer we will have a completely revamped fridge and pantry with all natural and organic foods. It's hard because so many foods you buy have this outrageous list of ingredients it takes forever to look and see what is ok and what isn't. My goal this summer is to try to start making some more things from scratch but if I am working full time next school year it is really going to be hard to do. Even if it doesn't help with the in attentiveness issue in Logan it is better for all of us in the long run to eat healthier and more organic foods. More expensive.... But better. 

I think the hardest part is parties and school events. We went to a party the other day and of course there is cake and candy and all these things Logan can't/shouldn't have and since we are just starting on this adventure I let him have little. But it's not even just the sweets, it is food in general. There was hot dogs so just that right there we know likely has artificial ingredients in it and things he probably shouldn't be having in the white bread buns. Then there is the ketchup and the relish that has stuff he shouldn't have as well. Luckily he is a really amazing eater and after the hot dog when he was still hungry he at a ton of plain lettuce and tomatoes (that were meant as garnish for hamburgers) until he was full. I think if it was any of my kids that we HAD to do this with, I'm glad it was Logan. He loves fresh fruits and vegetables and all that stuff so it's not a crazy hard transition for the most part. 

Failing, failing, failing away

Yes, I've been slacking in my blogging. 

Biggest reason? 

I just haven't had the energy. 

2nd biggest reason? 

I am failing miserably with the Orange Rhino Challenge. 

I thought for sure it would be easier working and not being home all day to keep from yelling. But I have found that I come home and the minute I walk in the door I just feel stressed. The house is a mess, the boys are acting crazy, I have to make dinner, and I just went from a day of working to more working. Add carting the boys to tball and cub scouts alone and trying to deal with bedtime and it has just been a big recipe for disaster. I'd love to say that as I post this I am back at at least a day of no yelling, but I'm not. Logan called me lazy and I.lost.it. I could have calmly talked to him about it, but I didn't, I regret it now. But what's done is done and I have to move on. Tomorrow is a new day. Hoping for the best. 

Until then.... 

I am also fighting illness. I haven't been to the doctor yet to confirm but I am pretty sure it's issues with my gallbladder. So until I can get in I have put myself on a no/low fat diet and it seems to be helping a lot. I went through this same thing when I was pregnant with Wyatt (about 4.5 years ago) and haven't had any issues since then. I am going to try to make it through this last week working my long term substituting job and see how I do from there. 

There are also other stress factors building up. I am having issues with Logan's school. I think he has some type of learning disability but his teacher wants to pull him out of the dual language program with out exploring the possibilities and I don't think it's right, or fair. So for now we are learning towards possible ADD and until we can progress with some testing in that area we are going to look into a dietary change. We've both (my husband and I) have started to read up on some things to eliminate from his diet and we will likely just be changing the entire way we think about and purchase food. What a HUGE undertaking. Time to dive into some more research and see what we need to be stocking in our pantry and fridge from now on. Even if he doesn't have ADD it wouldn't be harmful to eat more healthy and organic foods so we are definitely going that route. 

And Again

Uhm, so I think I did good yesterday. I got home late and my husband did bedtime so there was really no reason for me to even think about yelling. Today, on the other hand, I didn't even stand a chance. I got home late again (about 4:30) and dinner was on the table but the house was a mess. I went upstairs to get CJ's uniform for his game (which didn't get washed because my husband told me he would deal with laundry so I didn't do it yesterday when I usually do) and walked up to the awful smell of cat poop. When went to get some toilet paper to clean it up with I walked into a bathroom filled with toys, wet towels, and dirty clothes. I was fuming but took a breath and told Logan to come get his dirty clothes and figured I'd just deal with the other stuff later. Then I told Logan again to get his clothes... Then again... And then AGAIN. That last time is when it slipped. I yelled. Then he tried to get away with just picking up a handful of things... Yeah... I yelled again.

I'm pretty sure I have yelled again since that but the rest of the night has been a bit of a blur. We rushed to tball, which was an emotional roller coaster, and then came home to bedtime. Walking into the house in the state it is in just stresses me out. And here I am typing this and I stop to yell... You would think as I was typing this I could contain myself, but seriously, this kid is just ridiculous. And by this kid, I mean Wyatt. He decides to randomly get out of bed and run around the room and hit the wall so Jameson mimics. I put him on the wall for a time out and all I hear is "I hurt! I'm tired! I want to be in my bed!" Well, good for you. Maybe next time you should stay in your bed LIKE I TOLD YOU.

Stressed. Stressed. Stressed.

I just want to spend time with my babies, love on them, tuck them into bed, and then get a little while to relax alone before I go to bed. But I don't get to do that. I spend half the time arguing with them, trying to get them to do as they are told, and then I just have to practically wrestle them to stay in bed. When they FINALLY get to sleep it's already time for me to shower and go to bed.

I'm over it. Starting again tomorrow. Fingers crossed I can make it. I was on such a high those first 2 weeks. I want to get back to it.

Tomorrow. I will.

Big Fat Fail

Well, regardless of where I was or how I did I just jumped my grumpy hiney all the way back to 0 today.

Man, I hate to admit it, but I just lost it... Twice.

Earlier today we were running late and it just seemed like we were never going to get out the door. Logan hadn't gotten ANY homework done in the 2 hours he had been home. He "couldn't find" his Cub Scout uniform, which was hanging up neatly in the closet where it should be. And he lost his neckerchief slide because he just drops his clothes wherever the #{|| he feels like it when he takes them off. I held it in until I was trying to get them all out the door and all four of them just decided they didn't speak English.

Fast forward to bedtime. Yes, we all know how irritable I get at bed time. Add to that the fact that it is a Monday so we don't get home until past bedtime as it is and it's already the set of for holy terror time. Then add to that Logan having to stay up late now so he can get some homework done and Wyatt being his usual non-stop pain in my butt that rubs off on the baby.

Thank God for CJ. Out cold with out a fight, just hugs and kisses after quick tucks. To think, he used to be such a pain to get to sleep. I hope every day that when Wyatt turns 4 he will hit the turning point like CJ did when he turned 4. I swear, terrible twos my butt. Tremendously tumultuous threes is much more accurate.

After 9pm and still only one asleep. One in time out on the wall. Another doing homework. The last rolling around "sleeping" on the floor. And me, just sitting in the middle of it trying not to lose it.

What day is it!?

Holy cow! I don't even know what day I am on... Or if I have even made it with out yelling. I suppose if I had it would be memorable right? This past week has just been such a blur! It started on Sunday when I worked my regular Sunday job at a church nursery for 4 or so hours. Then on Monday I started my long term sub job. Thankfully this was a short week, no school on Friday, so it was a helpful transition to working so much. 6 day work weeks start tomorrow.

I wish I could say that I had a nice relaxing long weekend where I slept in and did nothing all day Friday and Saturday but instead we had a yard sale. That meant getting up and pulling out loads of stuff and stressing over people wanting everything for a dime. On the plus side; we had our most profitable yard sale ever!

Mind you, this busy week is just the basics. This run down doesn't include extra curriculars and all the other stuff that I was doing after work every day... Pretty much every day this week I didn't sit down to relax until about 9:30pm and I was then in bed asleep by 10pm. LAME. It also makes this bedtime junk even more stressful. I am so tired and want to sleep. Sitting here while the boys don't sleep makes me really irritable and that makes it hard not to yell.... Then that makes me bottle it up... And that makes it even harder not to just blow up. Usually when I get to that point I find myself kind of growling at them. I guess it's better than screaming at them. So here is to day... Whatever it is... The boys aren't asleep but I'm about to be. Good night.

Does it count?

Does today even count as a day of not yelling? I hardly even saw my kids! I didn't even get home from work until almost 4:30 so I saw them about 3 1/2 hours.

We did,however, spend about half of that time with them acting insane in the grocery store. And I did have to yell TO them several times as they bolted down the isles not paying any attention to anything. Boy, did they stress my husband out. At one point, at the end, I sent him alone to go get in a check out line and I held onto the boys. Er.... I tried to at least. They were being weirdos and I just did my best to keep them close to me and away from other people. But by that time it was already their bed time so it was completely understandable that they were acting like little nut-cases.

I was so busy getting groceries put away and making lunches for tomorrow I didn't even get to tell them all good night. :( I was pretty bummed when I realized they were all asleep. It was nice having my husband home to help get them to bed though. I love his days off.

Now here I sit, dozing off on the couch I have been on for less than 30 minutes. 10pm. Bed time.

Wow. When did I become such a loser?

Well, at least I'm a loser who hasn't yelled at her kids in 2 weeks! Yes people, that is 14 days! Cheers to me!

Uhm, well, no cheering, there are sleeping kids. I will just tiptoe to bed and get some sleep!

If mommy doesn't yell, can you?

What a wonderful way to get some affirmation! Wyatt was screaming... And screaming... And just being a noisy butt (and mean too). So when we got to CJ's tball practice I didn't unbuckle Wyatt right away and we had a little chat.

Has mommy been yelling or screaming?

No.

Then should you be able to yell or scream?

No.

PERFECT! This is a big part of what I was going for. And the best is that my 3 year old told me that I hadn't been yelling. That means even when I am talking sternly to him he isn't viewing it as yelling.

I spent the day working today. When I got home it was already about 3:30 so I didn't have much time with them. It was nice to just play with them, make dinner, and then chill out at practice. Seriously, if I could just get this bed time thing under control I would be SO happy!

Trying a different tactic today. I can't get the babies to stay in bed so they are sitting on the wall. Maybe I can get them to sit still and quiet long enough to get sleepy. I don't know. I am at such a loss. Give me other people's kids and I can work great with them. Give me my own and I can't figure them out for the life of me! At least I had a good time working today. I really love teaching, and I tell ya, pre-k is just so much fun!